Online therapy for sex addiction, Canadian licence
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Beth Mares RP works afternoons and evenings
Treatment for compulsive sexual behaviour
Beth Mares RP is licensed by the Ontario government to provide psychotherapy and has also trained with the School for Addiction Studies (since rolled into CAMH). Her addiction-related work focuses on sex addictions and adult children of alcoholics issues. Her psychotherapist license allows her to work on underlying causes such as childhood trauma. She has practiced in Toronto for over 30 years, and now works throughout Canada via video therapy and chat (IM) using platforms that meet all privacy standards. (More at Beth's approach and bio.)
Find your self--and lose your addiction
Overcoming compulsive sexual behaviour isn't about willpower--it's about getting help to find the underlying causes and change them. You are an individual and need to be treated as such; you can give two people the same label, but their paths to recovery will be different.
Psychotherapy for a sexual addiction doesn't just solve the obvious problem--it also makes life richer and happier. Most of the people Beth helps with sexual compulsivity, who tend to be high-achievers, find this process very rewarding and relatively easy; the success rate is close to 100%, and often only short term therapy (i.e., up to 20 sessions) is required.
Beth writes:
Individualized treatment
I adapt my approach based on what works for an individual. The type of work may need to change over time. Especially if there has been an explosive revelation, the focus will initially be on damage control and dealing with acute stress. After that there is a shift towards working with the underlying causes, while continuing to take care of practical problems and forming new habits. I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and when required, other well-researched methods.
Do 12-Step programs help?
Most of my clients have stayed away from 12-step programs, or have tried them and not liked them; but others find them very helpful, and I have sometimes helped a client to work the steps. I do caution against programs that demand total abstinence except with the spouse; I don't believe sexual frustration is ever going to work as a cure for excessive focus on sex. Besides, one of the objectives in therapy is be in control of one's own life; for this reason, each person needs to determine their own therapy goals/definition of sobriety.
I advise people who find they have reached a plateau after working within the 12-step tradition to work with a professional who is licensed to use psychotherapeutic methods (e.g., an RP or Psychologist) to address the underlying problems that are preventing them from reaching their goals.
Working with the couple relationship
Obviously, a sex addiction can cause huge problems for a marriage. It also brings into sharp relief co-existing problems; problems which may have had a role in causing or exacerbating the compulsive behaviour, or causing an old habit to reappear.
A very common problem when there is something missing in a relationship is that the couple has been unable to figure out how to be close without losing their separate identities. For example, they may have difficulty distinguishing between privacy and deception. The most common results are 1. an emotionally distant couple, 2. a perpetual tug of war between a "chaser" focused on closeness and a "runner" focused on autonomy, and 3. an enmeshed, roller-coaster relationship.
Sometimes ill-conceived attempts to fix a relationship after a perceived betrayal transform 1. or 2. into 3. The resulting adrenalin-laced drama and cat-and mouse sessions exhaust the couple and obstruct the thoughtful personal growth that is called for. I help couples to find a healthy dynamic.
In some cases I am called upon to do couple therapy instead of individual therapy, in which case I utilize individual sessions as well as joint sessions. In other cases my client is the partner, and the sexually compulsive partner has a separate therapist.
How to make an appointment--afternoons or evenings
An addictive process is a never-ending loop in which the addictive behaviour continuously generates the unhappiness it is pursued to alleviate.
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Additional:
Therapy for intrusive sexual thoughts or concerns about fetishes
I had a one night stand, and my wife has gone crazy
Myths about pornography
Psychotherapy for adult children of alcoholics and codependents
Love addiction, which can present as sexual addiction
ACT--acceptance and commitment therapy
By Beth Mares
The essence of this approach is that instead of perpetuating inner conflict and obsession by trying to strong-arm the self, it helps the client to observe, understand and accept himself, resolve inner conflicts, and move on to finding fulfilment in a way that works instead of futilely pursuing the fantasy represented by an obsession or addiction. While some other approaches to addiction, behavioral problems and emotional distress see them as illness or "sin", I see them as less than optimal ways of coping with the vicissitudes of living in an extremely complex--and less than optimal--society. However, as addictions and prolonged emotional distress frequently cause illness, it makes sense for psychotherapy and addiction therapy to be covered under medical insurance.