Dear Beth

Virginity and sexual jealousy

[Dear Beth,].... I am married for [over] twenty years.... I have a husband that provides us well with everything. During my marriage to him he had a few outside affairs which he blamed me for not being loving enough etc. We resolved our problems or so I thought. Ten years ago he asked me if I had a sexual relationship with my Ex boyfriend whom I was engaged to, I told him "No" and he said he does not believe me because "our first time together" was not much of a struggle for him and I did not bleed a lot etc. Now during last week he asked me the same questions....The more I explained to him that I don't know why I did not bleed a lot he does not believe me. When I was [a child] I had a small accident ...and I can recall that there was bleeding from my vagina but my parents made no big deal from it. Do you think that that could be why I was not like a perfect virgin?

Please reply urgently as this having a great effect on my marriage!
Yours truly,
Desperate 

Beth answers: That looks like the reason. However, don't be too disappointed if telling your husband about it does not solve the problem in your relationship. He should know by now that he can trust you, and it seems that he is being irrational. Perhaps he is unhappy for some reason that he does not understand and is blaming it on you. I recommend that you see a counsellor who is capable of looking beneath the surface--together if he is willing to go with you.